So I’m at this restaurant waiting for my guest to arrive for his interview session with me. I’d come a lot earlier so I could go through my questions, and generally get comfortable with environment.
On the TV screen in the room, an African movie was being played, and a particular scene made me more sad than it made me angry.
A wife had come back home early from a vigil only to find her husband having sex with another woman on their matrimonial bed.
She broke down in tears.
“How could you do this to me?” She asked amidst tears.
Her husband looked unperturbed by her tears. “I didn’t expect you back home by this time. Why did you come back home this early?”
The shock on his wife’s face at his statement could not be hidden. “That’s all you can say to me?”
“Come on,” the husband replied, “You know that all men cheat. It’s in our nature to cheat.”
And that point, I tuned off. You see, in our movies, our songs, the books we write, and the message that’s put out there, we’ve sold a narrative into the minds of people that all men cheat.
Young boys grow up believing it’s in their nature to cheat, while young girls grow up believing that it is expected for any man they find themselves married to, to cheat.
Once I was found myself in the midst of three ladies. One of them was about to be married in few months, and her friends said to her, “Just prepare your mind. You must know that all men cheat. Don’t get surprised if you find him cheating. They all cheat.”
Same scenario played out on a webcast I watched. A lady said, “I don’t mind if my husband cheats. They all cheat. He should just make sure he wears protection at all times.”
Things like this make me sad. I am not denying the fact that some men cheat. Neither am I saying that it’s exclusive to the male gender and not the females. All I’m saying is that you don’t build a positive foundation by reenacting the negative.
I’m not sure who started that narrative, but it’s having a very dangerous effect on relationships.
What about narratives like, ‘Real men are faithful’, and the likes.
You do not build by tearing down. We cannot have the kind of men we desire if we keep instilling into them the believe that it’s in their nature to cheat.